Whenever I read about the religious life, watch videos of solemn professions I feel the deepest longing in my heart to lead that life. It is beyond any other passion or longing and I cannot even describe the feeling that takes over me. I find myself weeping, partly with joy, partly with longing and partly for the days I must wait until I can be fully and totally consecrated to my Beloved and be able to say to the whole world "I am a Bride of Christ, I belong fully and only to Him."
That hasn't changed. I think about applying, about entering, about living that life, about consecrating myself to God forever, and the joy is indescribable. I want it so badly. I'm just confused about what to do now. All I know is that when I think about entering religious life there is this longing in my heart that takes over me, I believe with every fibre of my being that it's my calling. I get scared and confused and worried but that longing overtakes all that. I was reading an article in the diocesan newspaper written by a then novice at St. Cecilia's (now the solemnly professed Sr Elizabeth) and I just get overwhelmed by the desire to be a part of them.
Emily, that is so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I was wondering, do you ever wear the veil in Mass? Sometimes I think that if you want to be a Religious, you might as well get used to wearing a veil. You probably won't even notice it if you do. I didn't even notice it when I first started wearing a Chapel veil - it just felt completely normal to me.
I emailed you back, so reply when you can! :P
Kim
Yes, I do veil for Mass! Maybe that's why the habit is so important to me, it's something I already feel called to. I've been veiling for almost a year now. I forgot my scarf once and it just felt so weird.
DeleteI thought you might, which is why I asked you! :P
DeleteI could say the same thing here. I have been wearing a veil in Mass for about a year as well. My veils are all lace... I have a long white one which I usually use, but sometimes I do use the short patel pink one, or even sometimes the short black one I have. You're technically meant to wear white if you are unmarried and black if you are married, but if like us, you are discerning a vocation to the religious life, you might say you're already spoken for - or at least my parish say that about me all the time! Therefore, you can wear a black veil - I sort of got that idea from one of the Tyburn Mothers when I was 15, I beleive. :P My parish priest seemed to think I was being very strange since most people who wear the veil in Mass at my parish are somewhat significantly older than me! :)
Absolutely no-one at my parish veils which is kind of sad. The first veil I bought was white, purely because it's what I could find. It's just a plain white scarf, made out of some kind of gauzy stuff and I just put it over my head then put the end over my shoulders. I've got a navy version of that scarf as well, though recently I started wearing an old scarf I had. It's a square silk scarf I've had for years and I just fold it into a triangle and wear it like a mantilla. I wish I had a real mantilla but I've had such difficulty finding one in the UK. Where did you get yours?
DeleteI'm much of a Textiles kind of person, so lace is well, pretty much in a suitcase full of lots of fabrics... I don't have any spare at the moment, but what you could do is one of two things:
Delete1) go online and order one.
2) Get a piece of lace from somewhere as ordinary as John Lewis' harberdashery section and measure it out and wear it over your head!
Mine is simply a piece of floral white lace. It's nothing special really lol. The rest of my veils are just from hari accessories shops - the shorts ones are anyway.
Alternatively, there may be a chance I can ask a friend of mine in the US to send you one, but you will probably have to go and collect it from the Post Office Delivery Office and pay some sort of customs sharge - and believe me when I say that it's a nightmare, and I tried it before and I had to send some things back to him and ask him to hold them for me for a while. Sad really...
I might call up my friend in the UK and ask her if she knows where to find them. Hold your horses and I will get back to you.
I think I've actually managed to find somewhere for about £20, they just don't have the size I'm after. It's not the end of the world, I'm happy with the veils I have at the moment but if the size I want comes back into stock I'll have to take a look. I know a good mantilla should last me for a very long time so I don't mind spending a little more.
DeleteJust emailed you with a place in London.
ReplyDeleteKim
I know so much how you feel. I just feel this ache and longing to be His bride and belong wholly to Him.....please pray for me! I will keep you in my prayers
ReplyDeleteOf course I will. I'm sure Emily will too.
DeleteHave you been on our blog. The Vocation Operation?
Kim xxx