100th Post

This is my 100th post on this blog. It has taken me 6 months, 4 weeks and 1 day to get this far and as of right now I have had 5897 views.

The first thing I want to do is thank everyone who reads and comments. Honestly I never expected this blog to get anywhere or be seen by anyone so I've been amazed at how many people actually visit me here. I'm been so amazed by just how lovely and supportive people have been. Basically, y'all rock.

I've been wondering for a while what I was going to write about for my 100th post. I couldn't think of anything until last night. I remembered an experience I had a few months ago but decided not to post about because I wanted to think about it on my own for a while.

I decided to visit my old parish. I moved away from the main city centre so my home is now closer to another parish but my university and my old parish are in the city centre. I wasn't there at the right time to go to Mass, I just wanted to go there and spend some time in prayer. There are two chapels to either side of the main altar, one is dedicated to Our Lady and the other holds the Tabernacle. I tend to pray in each of the chapels, and this is what I did. I spent less time there than I usually would. I somehow couldn't connect with my prayers, it felt very forced and I just didn't feel that connection with the Lord that I usually do in my prayers. I was feeling desolate and very confused about my vocation and my discernment. I went to leave the church but as a turned towards the doors I caught sight of the crucifix that hangs above the altar.

I was transfixed. I don't think I could have moved from that spot if I'd tried. I was just captivated by it. I had been going through a period of spiritual dryness at this point and I felt all of sudden rushed with love. I found myself just standing there, rooted to the spot, and I was completely taken aback by Christ's sacrifice, by His love. I just stood and contemplated His love for us and the wonders of His sacrifice. I've rarely felt such joy, it was the kind of joy that I get from receiving the Eucharist, just sheer wonder and amazement at how good and how glorious our God is! 

I've mentioned before that I veil and so I was wearing my veil. All of a sudden I was reminded of some words I'd read a long time before this: "He has placed a sign upon my face that I may receive no lover but Him." I'd read these words in a reflection from a sister at St. Cecilia's Abbey on her solemn profession, which I had posted before. I touched the veil I was wearing and these words kept repeating and repeating in my mind and I was filled with this incredible sense of sureness that I am set aside for God alone. I was finally able to move from the spot where I was standing but I couldn't tear myself away from the crucifix so I went to the pews and knelt there, meditating on the crucifix. 

I am His.